As a 14 year old girl,I was a delightful,bubbly child,at my innocent best and ready to take love by its horns.. =) I was a hopeful and naive little teenager fresh from the Harry Potter and Mills and Boon books,and my little head filled up with a mixture of contents of these two series of novels and with my firm ideas of love at first sight and true love and all that,I started waiting for Prince Charming to come in his snowy white flying chariot driven by snowy white horses(horses that would fly) and sweep me off my feet and take me away to the land of fairies and elves and love and affection..And when I met Kush Malhotra,my elder brother,Rudra's friend,I was convinced beyond doubt that HE was my Prince Charming.That no other guy could ever even get mildly close to my definition of PC.. =) Like I said,I was naive.But if only we'd realise this was naivety as children!If only we'd listen to our parents and our friends and everyone not bitten by the love bug..or by the attraction bug should I call it?
This was a poem that I'd written back when 'we'd broken up' for the very first time ..after having 'dated' each other for a period of 8 months and a day precisely and after he realised how this wasnt gonna work out because we lived in different cities and could never really see each other (we went for like 2 'dates' in between those eight months-if you could classify a 10 minute walk and one meeting with all my family members around as 'dates')...now that I think of it I realise how innocent and pure everything about us was back then..!Our baby relationship survived almost 8 months on nothing but emails..we never wanted more than that.Never wanted more than to talk about our lives with each other..he was innocent,I even more so..I never felt the need to meet him.I mean obviously I did but it wasnt ever an urgent need.But he was studying in an only guys boarding school,and his friends obviously questioned his 'relationship' and 'how far he had gone' in it..how many meetings he'd had with me was important right?I didnt think it was and so I never realised his reason for wanting to break up when he wanted to..it hit me out of nowhere and it hit me hard.I cried for days on end..for hours and hours I'd just sit in front of the computer and stare at his name in my chat..read his mails a hundred times over.I begged him not to break up..for the child in me really could not imagine life without him.I was a child,my world was small and in just a few days time,he had become a BIG part of my world-I wasnt gonna let him go..wasnt gonna give up.Kept writing to him,never got replies though.It never struck me then that what he wanted was perfectly sane a want.Perfectly human.He was a year and a half elder to me-he grew up faster than me and so he grew out of our childish relationship faster..Frankly speaking,I still remember a few instances of that stage of my life and for me,then,they were nothing but devastating..shattering.
This was my first encounter with growing up.First confrontation with a heartbreak..now that I think of it,I really find it funny..!To imagine how a simple thing like a small heartbreak had the ability to destroy my world back then..today,I have much bigger worries hitting me and greater issues pressing on my mind..today,earthquakes with heartbreaks as their epicentre do shake my world but their magnitude isnt half as great as earthquakes with career or family or friends or failures in other fields as their epicentres.. My world is bigger now and no matter how big a part of my life heartbreaks are,they dont destroy my life for days to come.But then,reconstruction after the first quake wasnt easy..I made it though! =) Anyway,I'll come back to that later.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Come,be a child again!-Drafts to the 'never ending' love story.
I've always wanted to write about my love story with my childhood sweetheart-like write a novel or something on it.Quite obviously,the guy I've mentioned in the above two posts is the same guy who's gonna be mentioned tens of thousand times in these drafts.No prizes for guessing-he's the hero of my story =P
All the names I'm about to mention here are changed.But rest assured,the story or the feelings I've felt while recalling incidents mentioned couldntve been more real-they're nothing if not heartfelt.
I'm just a 17 year old,and yes,you'll quite obviously find most of the things written about in my blog very very 'immature' or 'childish' maybe.What I wanna say to that is that,yea,they're bound to be childish because I am a child after all =P and also,most of the posts are entries that I've directly picked up from my diaries written about 3-4 years back and posted here unaltered(or with very little alteration here and there).
Although I'm a different person now I've done this because I like to recollect the precious,innocent,fun,unadulterated memories of my early teen years..I'm turning 18 this April,and I'm going to be an adult officially,but before that happens,I want to give my childhood that's now abstract,a concrete form-I want to enter my adulthood with the best of the qualities that I possessed as a child.Reading these entries has always reminded me of them and in some absurd manner it's always encouraged me to be a child again.I hope they make anybody who reads them feel the same way =)
I hope they remind the person of their childhood,and make them want to be a child again too.
Lots of everything good,
Madhvika
All the names I'm about to mention here are changed.But rest assured,the story or the feelings I've felt while recalling incidents mentioned couldntve been more real-they're nothing if not heartfelt.
I'm just a 17 year old,and yes,you'll quite obviously find most of the things written about in my blog very very 'immature' or 'childish' maybe.What I wanna say to that is that,yea,they're bound to be childish because I am a child after all =P and also,most of the posts are entries that I've directly picked up from my diaries written about 3-4 years back and posted here unaltered(or with very little alteration here and there).
Although I'm a different person now I've done this because I like to recollect the precious,innocent,fun,unadulterated memories of my early teen years..I'm turning 18 this April,and I'm going to be an adult officially,but before that happens,I want to give my childhood that's now abstract,a concrete form-I want to enter my adulthood with the best of the qualities that I possessed as a child.Reading these entries has always reminded me of them and in some absurd manner it's always encouraged me to be a child again.I hope they make anybody who reads them feel the same way =)
I hope they remind the person of their childhood,and make them want to be a child again too.
Lots of everything good,
Madhvika
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Hugs and Kisses.
"...butterflies invade my stomach when,
to my lips,your lips find their way.."
The feeling's just that when you kiss somebody whom you're meant to be with-or atleast that's what I'd like to believe..that's what I'd like to believe now that I've finally moved on-now that I've finally moved past the guy who'd been a part of my life since the last 13 years and a part of my love life since the past 4 years-when I say he'd been a part of my love life,I dont mean that we'd been together for so long.But well,yea,he had been an occupant of a pretty spacious area of my heart atleast.
From his side,I know I'd for a very long time been the only romantic connection he ever had,although I never became The Love of his life.He was a student at a boarding school,whose walls he'd never jumped over until his last 3 years there..shied away from girls.As a kid,he'd been your nerdy guy who hadnt ever been conscious about the presence of females in his life.I dont know if he disliked them or something but what I do know,is that he'd never had those normal crushes that lil kids just entering their teenage usually do..I'm gonna elaborate on this later.
Basically,I've known him for a very long time since we happened to be studying in the same school,and because he happened to be my elder brother's friend.And like it happens in the movies,we played together as bickering 4 year olds who just couldnt stop fighting with each other.Firecrackers burst whenever we met.Back then,firecrackers of cat-dog fights.
A few years after that,firecrackers of our first kiss.Of my first kiss.Of his first kiss.The kiss that sent my heart racing..it didnt give me any butterflies in my tummy though!I always wanted it to,but it just never happened..does that mean that I didnt love him actually?I dunno.
We would've completed 4 years together today if we'd been together.
It'd gone off and on a million times-I mean our relationship(dont feel like calling it that).He's probably dating some other girl now,but the thought of him sends my heart racing till date..!My crush on him has grown 4 years old today.I've started dating another guy,but I still have a crush on him,I still have a crush on my ex who's been my ex 3 times.
This other guy's kisses put me in a discomfit-although they dont send my heart racing,they do give me 'butterflies in my tummy'..so does that mean that I love him and that we're meant to be?
I'm clueless.
Love,
Madhvika
to my lips,your lips find their way.."
The feeling's just that when you kiss somebody whom you're meant to be with-or atleast that's what I'd like to believe..that's what I'd like to believe now that I've finally moved on-now that I've finally moved past the guy who'd been a part of my life since the last 13 years and a part of my love life since the past 4 years-when I say he'd been a part of my love life,I dont mean that we'd been together for so long.But well,yea,he had been an occupant of a pretty spacious area of my heart atleast.
From his side,I know I'd for a very long time been the only romantic connection he ever had,although I never became The Love of his life.He was a student at a boarding school,whose walls he'd never jumped over until his last 3 years there..shied away from girls.As a kid,he'd been your nerdy guy who hadnt ever been conscious about the presence of females in his life.I dont know if he disliked them or something but what I do know,is that he'd never had those normal crushes that lil kids just entering their teenage usually do..I'm gonna elaborate on this later.
Basically,I've known him for a very long time since we happened to be studying in the same school,and because he happened to be my elder brother's friend.And like it happens in the movies,we played together as bickering 4 year olds who just couldnt stop fighting with each other.Firecrackers burst whenever we met.Back then,firecrackers of cat-dog fights.
A few years after that,firecrackers of our first kiss.Of my first kiss.Of his first kiss.The kiss that sent my heart racing..it didnt give me any butterflies in my tummy though!I always wanted it to,but it just never happened..does that mean that I didnt love him actually?I dunno.
We would've completed 4 years together today if we'd been together.
It'd gone off and on a million times-I mean our relationship(dont feel like calling it that).He's probably dating some other girl now,but the thought of him sends my heart racing till date..!My crush on him has grown 4 years old today.I've started dating another guy,but I still have a crush on him,I still have a crush on my ex who's been my ex 3 times.
This other guy's kisses put me in a discomfit-although they dont send my heart racing,they do give me 'butterflies in my tummy'..so does that mean that I love him and that we're meant to be?
I'm clueless.
Love,
Madhvika
Monday, January 25, 2010
All for the dying love.
Take chances.Fight for something you believe in.Tell the truth.Be a spendthrift and spend all the money you have.Fall in love.Sing out loud.Laugh at a stupid joke.Tell someone how much they mean to you.Apologise.Tell that fool how he/she hurt you.Give some money to that little needy child on the road.Hug your Mom before leaving the house.Help Dad wash the car without him asking you to.Be immature..Smile!Dont just exist,Live life..! !
A small text a friend texted me that reminded me how I'd forgotten to live.Felt like sharing it with everybody!
Here to resuscitate my long lost habit of writing-it used to be my only love at some point of time and I'd been whole heartedly faithful to it until love in the other form entered my life like a cool wind blowing over a sun-scorched city ..little did I realise back then that it was really the deceiving eye of the cyclone-temporary relief before the greater apocalyptic cyclone struck my world.
I'd lost my love for writing and my love for many other things by the time this apocalyptic love left my life.
Anyway,I'm back to my old love though now-back to the good ol' days!Although it's a little different from writing in a personal diary,(I'd been pretty expressive and blunt while writing in it),I'm gonna try and be honest about things here as well..!
Love,
Madhvika
P.S.Btw,I tend to drift off at times ..you know,deviate from the main topic at hand.Kindly excuse me abt that?
A small text a friend texted me that reminded me how I'd forgotten to live.Felt like sharing it with everybody!
Here to resuscitate my long lost habit of writing-it used to be my only love at some point of time and I'd been whole heartedly faithful to it until love in the other form entered my life like a cool wind blowing over a sun-scorched city ..little did I realise back then that it was really the deceiving eye of the cyclone-temporary relief before the greater apocalyptic cyclone struck my world.
I'd lost my love for writing and my love for many other things by the time this apocalyptic love left my life.
Anyway,I'm back to my old love though now-back to the good ol' days!Although it's a little different from writing in a personal diary,(I'd been pretty expressive and blunt while writing in it),I'm gonna try and be honest about things here as well..!
Love,
Madhvika
P.S.Btw,I tend to drift off at times ..you know,deviate from the main topic at hand.Kindly excuse me abt that?
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